"Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me?..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.”

“Start it at no particular time of your life; wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment; drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.”

“A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.”

“In some pictures of Provincetown the persons of the inhabitants are not drawn below the ankles, so much being supposed to be buried in the sand.”

“Hypocrisy is an homage that vice renders to virtue.”

“My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.”

“Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.”

“You cannot receive a shock unless you have an electric affinity for that which shocks you.”

“A line will take us hours maybe; / Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought, / Our stitching and unstitching has been naught... Better go down upon your marrow-bones / And scrub a kitchen pavement, or break stones... For to articulate sweet sounds together / Is to work harder than all these, and yet / Be thought an idler by the noisy set.”