"Don't you know, that all wives are..." - Quote by Benjamin Franklin

“Some books we read, tho' few there are that hit the happy point where wisdom joins with wit.”

“A fat kitchin, a lean Will.”

“He that won't be counseled can't be helped. He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow Money to be repaid at Easter.”

“A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.”

“If you want a neat wife, choose her on a Saturday.”

“What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?”

“By an application of the theory of relativity to the taste of readers, today in Germany I am called a German man of science, and in England I am represented as a Swiss Jew. If I come to be represented as a bête noire, the descriptions will be reversed, and I shall become a Swiss Jew for the Germans and a German man of science for the English!”

“Every picture of you is when you were younger.”

“There is no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I dont even have to exaggerate.”