"The surgeon general warned today that saliva..." - Quote by George Carlin
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
More by George Carlin
“You get to play with people's little danger zones.”
“If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?”
“In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that”
More on Humor
“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”
“It's great that we've got a compassionate conservative,but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.”
“probably the greatest concentration of talent and genius in this house except for perhaps those times when Thomas Jefferson ate alone.”
More on Health
“Moderation is like sobriety: you would like to have some more, but are afraid of making yourself ill.”
“My grandfather lived to be late 90s on one side and on the other side, 70s or something. And my father died young, at 63. But he didn't take very good care of himself.”
“In so far as the mind is stronger than the body, so are the ills contracted by the mind more severe than those contracted by the body.”