"We operate under a jury system in..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the size, weight, and handling characteristics of aircraft carriers but worse fuel efficiency.”

“Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want to make your move before the opponent does, because the first person to stomp from the room receives valuable Argument Points that can be redeemed for exciting merchandise at the Marital Prize Redemption Center.”

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.”

“Marvellous, what ideas the young people have these days. But I don't believe a word of it.”

“There is something laughable about the sight of authors who enjoy the rustling folds of long and involved sentences: they are trying to cover up their feet.”

“I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.”

“In the string of amazing decisions made during the first year of the Obama administration, nothing seems more like sheer insanity than the decision to try foreign terrorists, who have committed acts of war against the United States, in federal court, as if they were American citizens accused of crimes.”

“A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.”

“Men in prison are "civilly dead" and have no claim to any say in policy.”