“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.”

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"”

“I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.”

“Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.”

“Do not shut up the young people against their will in a pew, and force the children to ask them questions for an hour against their will.”

“The world when seen through a little child's eyes, greatly resembles paradise. Happiness is doing with a smile what you have to do anyway. This time, like all time, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.”

“Make for the children an evening of happiness in a world of storm. Let the children have their night of fun and laughter... resolved that by our daring, these same children shall not be denied their right to live in a free and decent world.”