Weight Quotes

I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

If I can get my dress on, my weight is under control.

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.

My doctor told me that I really should lose some weight. "You're mildly obese," he said. And I thought, "Well, who couldn't afford to lose 20 or 30 pounds?" He said, "Well, a person in your category." I said, "What is that category, doctor?" He said, "Well, you're what I call upwardly middle aged." And I said, "I forgive you for everything."

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.

For 24 years of my adult life, by choice I weighed well over 200 pounds. I say 'by choice' because I have never 'accidentally' eaten anything, so when I choose to eat too much, I have chosen to weigh too much.

[On being overweight:] If I tried to haul ass, I would have to make two trips.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.