"If the Cincinnati Reds were really the..." - Quote by George Carlin

“Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.”

“A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.”

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

“New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said that New Orleans, when rebuilt, will be a chocolate city. And he will be the delicious nut in the center.”

“Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.”

“Love is a misunderstanding between two fools.”

“Nothing is more seductive for a man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering.”

“Everything that we do is insignificant...and...it is very important that we do it!”

“Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth.”