"If a word is misspelled in the..." - Quote by George Carlin

“If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.”

“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”

“Voting is a meaningless exercise. I'm not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don't. Everything is done to you in this country.”

“Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?”

“Chicago sounds rough to the maker of verse. One comfort we have - Cincinnati sounds worse.”

“The most attractive sentences are, perhaps, not the wisest, but the surest and roundest. They are spoken firmly and conclusively,as if the speaker had a right to know what he says, and if not wise, they have at least been well learned.”

“I can evade questions without help; what I need is answers”

“Every dog has like me the impulse to question, and I have like every dog the impulse not to answer.”

“What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?”