"Another important rule of affair-having: Never be..." - Quote by Dave Barry

“People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.”

“Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.”

“Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

“He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.”

“The American taxing structure, the purpose of which was to serve the people, began instead to serve the insatiable appetite of government. If you will forgive me, you know someone has once likened government to a baby. It is an alimentary canal with an appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.”

“In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.”

“The key ingredient in family communication is listening, really listening.”

“Love is the bridge between you and everything.”

“How often we find ourselves turning our backs on our actual friends, that we might go and meet their ideal cousins.”