Comedienne Quotes

“I get worried for young girls sometimes; I want them to feel that they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent, and not so withered and shriveled.”

“I want girls to feel that they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent, and not so withered and shriveled. (The American Apparel ads) I'm over this weird, exhausted girl. I'm over the girl that's tired and freezing and hungry. I like bossy girls. I like people filled with life. I'm over this weird media thing with all this, like, hollow-eyed, empty, party crap.”

“When young girls are encouraged to explore what they find interesting, they grow up to be interesting women.”

“Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh.”

“Doing what you're afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that- that's what life is.”

“I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I've grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let's peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.”

“If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties.”

“Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu - and I hear she's amazing in it.”

“Be yourself! And then tell us about it! And then let's dance!”

“President Bush on Monday defended U.S. interrogation of terrorists, saying 'We do not torture.' He added, 'We freedom electrocute.'”

“I would love to do a serious period drama. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you'll find most comedians want to do more serious stuff, most musicians want to be comedians, and most serious actors want to be musicians.”

“I was the daughter of teachers, so school was always very important. I liked it.”

“I am tired of being tired and talking about how tired I am.”

“I don't think a man who is fifteen years younger than me should tell me he is proud of me unless he is my sober coach or my time-travel dad.”

“A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there.”

“I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they 'want to do' and start asking them what they don't want to do.”

“Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself.”

“I really do believe that anything in life - any obstacle or challenge - can be made better with humor.”

“Do work that you are proud of with your talented friends.”

“I worked at an ice cream parlor called Chadwicks. We wore old-timey outfits and had to bang a drum, play a kazoo, and sing 'Happy Birthday' to people while giving them free birthday sundaes. Lots of ice cream scooping and $1 tips.”

“Right now I'm singing along to books on tape. I typically pop in something like Stephen King's 'The Stand,' and I love singing along to that kind of stuff.”

“A top McCain policy adviser claimed this week that McCain's work in the Senate helped create the BlackBerry, saying, 'You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create.' He then handed the BlackBerry to McCain, who attempted to withdraw $20 from it.”

“Hey, guess what? Turns out the free market? Not so free. Wall Street was hit hard Monday when Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch was sold to Bank of America, and insurance giant AIG neared a collapse of its own. Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done.”

“I want to be around people who dream and support and do things.”

“Creativity is connected to passion - that light inside that drives you.”