"I don't think women outlive men, Doctor...." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.”

“Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!”

“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”

“I asked people who have already finished books for advice, which is akin to asking a mother with a four-year-old what childbirth is like.”

“I just wanted to speak to you about something from the Internal Revenue Code. It is the last sentence of section 509A of the code and it reads: 'For purposes of paragraph 3, an organization described in paragraph 2 shall be deemed to include an organization described in section 501C-4, 5, or 6, which would be described in paragraph 2 if it were an organization described in section 501C-3.' And that's just one sentence out of those fifty-seven feet of books.”

“It's a dangerous thing to be married right up to the hilt, like my daughter's husband. The man is at home all day, like a damned soul in hell.”

“Woman is the embodiment of sacrifice and suffering and her advent to public life should, therefore, result in purifying it, in restraining unbridled ambition and accumulation of property.”

“Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.”

“With twice his wits, she had to see things through his eyes -- one of the tragedies of married life.”