"I hate smart sales clerks. I said..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.”

“I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.”

“I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!”

“A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.”

“I have always said that everyone is in sales. Maybe you don't hold the title of salesperson, but if the business you are in requires you to deal with people, you, my friend, are in sales.”

“If your organization’s intentions transcend the mere act of selling a product or service, and it is brave enough to expose its heart and soul, people will respond. They will connect. They will like you. They will talk. They will buy.”

“People don't buy for logical reasons. They buy for emotional reasons.”