"A fitting room to me has always..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.”

“Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom and what time you would get home. ... I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, 'I stole this.' ... But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.”

“The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.”

“She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).”

“If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.”

“There isn't anybody that looks like me without clothes on.”

“I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.”

“The American people aren't overtaxed. The government in Washington is overfed. The main difference between ourselves and the other side is: we see an America where every day is the Fourth of July. They see an America where every day is April 15.”

“I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck”