"Do not taste food while you're cooking...." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.”

“Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.”

“If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.”

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.”

“The British cook, for her iniquities, is a foolish woman who should be turned into a pillar of salt which she never knows how to use.”

“Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Damn, it's gonna take a while. I don't have time. Scrambled!”

“Kitchen Physic is the best Physic.”

“Now, good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both!”

“Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'”