Cooking Quotes

“When you have helped to raise the standard of cooking, you have helped to raise the only thing in the world that really matters. We only have one or two wars in a lifetime, but we have three meals a day -- there's nothing in the world that we do as much as we do eating.”

“I confess that my stomach does not take to this style of cooking. I cannot accept calves sweetbreads swimming in a salty sauce, nor can I eat mince consisting of turkey, hare, and rabbit, which they try to persuade me comes from a single animal... As for the cooks, I really cannot be expected to put up with this ham essence, nor the excessive quantity of morels and other mushrooms, pepper, and nutmeg with which they disguise perfectly good food.”

“A good cook is a certain slow poisoner, if you are not temperate.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“I love making buckwheat crepes with ham, Parmesan cheese, and a fried egg on top. It's my go-to breakfast.”

“Soup is cuisines kindest course”

“The British cook, for her iniquities, is a foolish woman who should be turned into a pillar of salt which she never knows how to use.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark”

“my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens”

“My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.”

“One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".”

“My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.”

“My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.”

“Cooking is a form of flattery....a mischievous, deceitful, mean and ignoble activity, which cheats us by shapes and colors, by smoothing and draping.”

“I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.”

“How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?”

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.”

“My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.”

“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.”

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen”

“Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.”

“I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.”

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.”

“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.”