"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing...." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.”

“On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.”

“I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'”

“I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.”

“The current tax code is a daily mugging.”

“I have just one tube of lipstick, but it's as big as a can of hairspray.”

“Housework can kill you if done right.”

“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”

“... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.”