"The customer’s always right...." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.”

“Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free.”

“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.”

“When I was in my 40s, Microsoft was my primary activity.”

“They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.”

“The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.”

“Leadership is influence. It is the ability to obtain followers. When the leader lacks confidence, the followers have no commitment. A leader is great not because of his power, but because of his ability to empower others.”

“To lead, one must follow.”

“When you choose the paradigm of service, it turns everything you do from a job into a gift.”