"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.”
“I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, "Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Don't fall asleep or I will tip you over!"”
“I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.”
More on Humor
“Such bees! Bilbo had never seen anything like them. "If one were to sting me," He thought "I should swell up as big as I am!”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.”
More on Parenting
“Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.”
“I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”
“Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy, so they know the value of things, not the price.”