"The shortest distance between any two points..." - Quote by Confucius
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
More by Confucius
“A man is great not because he hasn't failed; a man is great because failure hasn't stopped him.”
“To rule a country of a thousand chariots, there must be reverent attention to business, and sincerity; economy in expenditure, and love for men; and the employment of the people at the proper seasons.”
“Only by perfect virtue can the perfect path, in all its courses, be made a fact.”
More on Humor
“Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?”
“Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."”
“I think the days of putting your feet up when you're pregnant are long gone. Women who are nine months pregnant now have to work till the bitter end - they don't get to be on TV.”
More on Life
“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.”
“I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.”
“I'm a man. I lived it and I'm not afraid to die but when I die I'm going to paradise and I'm not worried.”