"I don't like to cook. I can..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.”

“Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.”

“There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.”

“I'm the rap version of Dave Chappelle. I'm not sayin' I'm nearly as talented as Chappelle when it comes to political and social commentary, but like him, I'm laughing to keep from crying.”

“Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.”

“Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.”

“My mother cooked like a scientist. She had a giant Chinese-style cleaver that she chopped with, and a cupboard full of spices.”

“I have loved to cook since I was a child in my mother's kitchen. If I don't have time to cook, I'll just read a cookbook.”

“I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.”