“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.”

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"”

“I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.”

“Do I have to use my own money?”

“To fear the foe, since fear oppresseth strength,Gives, in your weakness, strength unto your foe,And so your follies fight against yourself.Fear, and be slain--so worse can come to fight;And fight and die is death destroying death,Where fearing dying pays death servile breath.”

“You must not thinkThat we are made of stuff so fat and dullThat we can let our beard be shook with dangerAnd think it pastime.”

“Doubt is a thief that often makes us fear to tread where we might have won.”