"I don't know what humor is...." - Quote by Will Rogers

“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

“I do honestly believe the Republicans have reformed and want to do better. But whether they have done it in time to win the election is another thing. The old voter is getting so he wants to be saved before October every election year.”

“America is a land of opportunity and don't ever forget it.”

“If all the lawyers were hanged tomorrow, and their bones were sold to a mah jong factory, we'd all be freer and safer, and our taxes would be reduced by almost a half.”

“You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.”

“We all know about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster.”

“Every man should ask himself each day whether he is not too readily accepting negative solutions.”

“The only antidote to anger is to eliminate the internal sentence: "If only you were more like me."”

“People who think that they are being 'exploited' should ask themselves whether they would be missed if they left, or whether people would say: 'Good riddance?'”