"I saw a guy juggling chain saws,..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“That's always disappointed me, to see a guy in the crowd who doesn't look like he's having fun but in general if you just listen to the crowd it sounds like they're having fun. So I don't want to focus on the one guy who's not having fun. And by closing my eyes and just listening, I can't hear that he's not laughing but I can see that he's not laughing.”
“A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.”
“When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.”
More on Humor
“A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.”
“The man that found the 726-carat diamond in Africa, received $350,000 for it and wants to buy a farm and silk hat. Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.”
“The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.”
More on Observation
“There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!"”
“It seems to me that we all look at Nature too much, and live with her too little.”
“For we, which now behold these present days, Have eyes to wonder, but lack tongues to praise.”