"I originate from a family where sauce..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale.”

“My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'”

“Never accept a drink from a urologist.”

“My mother was the making of me.”

“We have an epidemic of fatherlessness here, and that's what I agree with the president [Barack Obama] on, and we should be doing more to promote and protect marriage as between a man and a women for the needs of our children.”

“My father was the best person i've ever known.”

“Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.”

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

“I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!"”