"Every time I go near the stove,..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!”

“You want to look younger... rent smaller children.”

“Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.”

“I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.”

“We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.”

“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”

“There are chefs who are spectacular technicians, and often their food is worth eating once or twice, but if there's no heart in it, if there's no personality in it, it's not something you want to go back for. But heart without any skill at all? All the heart in the world ain't gonna help you if you can't peel an onion, or if you don't understand how to apply heat properly. A well-done steak is a well-done steak.”

“Food is so personal - I mean someone is talking to you when people are cooking for you. I like to hear an identifiable voice.”

“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”