"Every book is a children's book if..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.”

“I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!”

“A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"”

“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.”

“What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb. American novels, answered Lord Henry.”

“Other guys read Playboy. I read annual reports.”

“The lover of letters loves power too.”

“Even as a kid, my memories are of books taking me out of myself.”

“Every good book should be entertaining. A good book will be more; it must not be less. Entertainment…is like a qualifying examination. If a fiction can’t provide that, we may be excused from inquiring into its higher qualities.”