"My cooking is so bad my kids..." - Quote by Phyllis Diller

“Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.”

“I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.”

“He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.”

“I wanna hold your gland.”

“Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.”

“A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.”

“I feel that if Jacques Pepin shows you how to make an omelet, the matter is pretty much settled. That's God talking.”

“I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.”

“I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.”