“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”

“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

“Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.”

“When will all the rhetorical questions end?”

“Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die, Passing through nature to eternity.”

“Unsubstantial Death is amorous.”

“. . . nothing in his life Became him like the leaving it; he died As one that had been studied in his death To throw away the dearest thing he owed, As 'twere a careless trifle.”