"Why would anyone steal a shopping cart?..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“No One Diets on Thanksgiving.”

“Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.”

“I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.”

“Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.”

“And, when the votes are counted, let everybody, including the candidates, get into a good humor as quick as they got into a bad one.”

“Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.”

“Pedestrians never seem to realize that they are a threat to the safety of cars.”

“I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.”

“If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.”