"If you take cranberries and stew them..." - Quote by Groucho Marx

“I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.”

“There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.”

“In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.”

“Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.”

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.”

“My fat never made me less money.”

“I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It’s a strange piece of machinery . . . We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I’ll be damned if I’m not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken. With a side of potatoes of some sort.”

“What we need in this country is a general improvement in eating. We have the best raw materials in the world, both quantitatively and qualitatively, but most of them are ruined in the process of preparing them for the table.”

“Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!”