"There are only two types of motorists:..." - Quote by George Carlin

“I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got together every day for a year or so - a number of then willing to put on heavy makeup, wear clothes that weren't their own and pretend to be people other than themselves - and their whole purpose for doing all this was to entertain me, then I'm not gonna start worrying about whether or not they did a good job. The effort alone was enough to make me happy.”

“Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.”

“I'm offering a special prize for the first Buick on the moon.”

“I trust Russia and China and Iran and North Korea like I trust a Jussie Smollett police report.”

“I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.”

“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”

“Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.”

“My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.”

“I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.”