"Ever wonder about those people who spend..." - Quote by George Carlin

“When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content.”

“One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.”

“The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.”

“I like to make people feel happy and superior in their reaction towards my appearance.”

“The report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The report of my death was an exaggeration.”

“Every chef I know, their cholesterol is through the roof. And mine's not so great.”

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body”

“XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"”

“We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.”