"I have carried a revolver; lots of..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast-but for luncheon-for dinner- for tea-for supper-for between meals.”

“Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.”

“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'”

“Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas.”

“We don't let them have ideas. Why would we let them have guns?”

“As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.”

“If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh?”

“But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.”