"Maybe age is kinder to us than..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

“To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.”

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

“The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.”

“a woman's heart has no wrinkles.”

“The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt where money is concerned. It's only in the amount where the Republicans excel.”

“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.”

“I don't want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.”