“If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.”

“An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.”

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.”

“Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.”

“Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.”

“a girl takes too much time to love and a few seconds to hate. but a boy takes a few seconds to love and too much time to hate.”

“It is probable that both in life and in art the values of a woman are not the values of a man.”

“Women are more attuned to feelings than men are, and if they’re not being truthful, more often than not it’s because they think truth might hurt your feelings. But it doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”