"Many a standing ovation has been caused..." - Quote by Earl Wilson

“An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.”

“The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.”

“Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.”

“Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!”

“I'm comfortable in my own skin, no matter how far it's stretched. Ha ha.”

“When a fellow ain't got much mind, it don't take him long to make it up.”

“The principles applied in economic processes are general social principles.”

“Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.”

“I always thought what an interesting idea because almost everybody's fascinated by the perpetrator of a crime; very few people study what happens to people for the rest of their lives, and how it affects not only that particular character but other characters around him as well.”