"An exhaustive study of police records shows..." - Quote by Earl Wilson

“One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.”

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

“The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.”

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

“Marriage and the up-bringing of children in the home require as well-trained a mind and as well-disciplined a character as any other occupation that might be considered a career.”

“I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.”

“I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.”

“Your machinery is beautiful. Your society people have apologized to me for the envious ridicule with which your newspapers have referred to me. Your newspapers are comic but never amusing. Your Water Tower is a castellated monstrosity with pepperboxes stuck all over it. I am amazed that any people could so abuse Gothic art and make a structure not like a water tower but like a tower of a medieval castle. It should be torn down. It is a shame to spend so much money on buildings with such an unsatisfactory result. Your city looks positively dreary.”

“The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material”