"A member of the committee slapped a..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.”

“There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.”

“I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.”

“The man of understanding finds everything laughable.”

“Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?”

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”

“Fair ladies, masked, are roses in their bud;Dismasked, the damask sweet commixture shown,Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.”

“A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many.”

“The sexes deceive themselves about one another: the reason being that at bottom they honor and love only themselves (or their ownideal, to express it more agreeably). Thus man wants woman to be peaceable--but woman is essentially, like the cat, not peaceable, however well she may have trained herself to assume the appearance of peace.”