"If it's attention you want, don't get..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.”

“I like whomever to come to my shows. I want people who want to see me to come see me. I don't want to force people. I don't want it to feel like a job!”

“I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.”

“Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy”

“I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me, I must scratch.”

“If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world.”

“An act of love always tends towards two things; to the good that one wills, and to the person for whom one wills it.”

“Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.”

“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”