"I rationalize shop. I buy a dress..." - Quote by Rita Rudner

“Never take candy from strangers.”

“I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.”

“Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.”

“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.”

“There is a woman who swam around Manhattan, and I asked her, why? She said, it hadn't ever been done before. Well, she didn't have to do that. If she wanted to something no one had ever done before, all she had to do was vacuum my apartment.”

“I look like I have beriberi and scurvy.”

“Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”

“I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'”

“How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?”