"I was trampled to death by a..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.”

“I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying "Open!" was never a big deal, but holding that television tuner and realizing I alone control what is flashed on the screen brings out the Iacocca in me.”

“A traveller should have a hog's nose, a deer's legs, and an ass's back.”

“I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"”

“What fetched me instantly (and thousands of other newcomers with me) was the subtle but unmistakable sense of escape from the United States.”

“We get twitted now and then on how we made this country. Well, we took the whole business, of course. It's not just that corner that we took from Mexico. When we got it all together, we got a very shapely country-the best continental cut in all the world, between the two oceans and in the right temperature zone.”

“If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”