"How charmed I am when I overhear..." - Quote by Mark Twain

“I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.”

“Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.”

“Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.”

“The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.”

“Language is a very difficult thing to put into words.”

“I'm with an old family" was the euphemism used to dignify the professions of white folks' cooks and maids who talked so affectedly among their own kind in Roxbury [Massachusetts] that you couldn't even understand them.”

“In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has”

“My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.”

“It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.”