"If you can remember the sixties, you..." - Quote by Robin Williams

“Comedy is acting out optimism.”

“Carpe per diem - seize the check.”

“Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It's literally a choice, that's the operative word. If you don't like the language, if cocksucker offends you, then turn it off.”

“My way of joking is to tell the truth”

“Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.”

“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.”

“Every man among us is more fit to meet the duties and responsibilities of citizenship because of the perils over which, in the past, the nation has triumphed; because of the blood and sweat and tears, the labor and the anguish, through which, in the days that have gone, our forefathers moved on to triumph.”

“How do you write zero in Roman numerals?”

“The ancient historians gave us delightful fiction in the form of fact; the modern novelist presents us with dull facts under the guise of fiction.”