“Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'”

“After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.”

“Tweets? That stuff kills conversation. And people taking pictures with their phone or recording you, sometimes surreptitiously, is creepy. They come up and just start talking to you, and you can see the red light on their phone.”

“The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'”

“The attraction and superiority of California are in its days. It has better days & more of them, than any other country.”

“California produces 40% of America's fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts - the kind you eat. We have had a bumper crop of the other variety, too.”

“They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.”