"If anyone knew where they were, I'd..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.”

“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”

“My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.”

“Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"”

“I was born because it was a habit in those days, people didn't know anything else.”

“Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.”

“Gentlemen, let us suppose that man is not stupid. (Indeed one cannot refuse to suppose that, if only from the one consideration, that, if man is stupid, then who is wise?) But if he is not stupid, he is monstrously ungrateful! Phenomenally ungrateful. In fact, I believe that the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped.”

“The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.”

“Ours may become the first civilization destroyed, not by the power of our enemies, but by the ignorance of our teachers and the dangerous nonsense they are teaching our children. In an age of artificial intelligence, they are creating artificial stupidity.”