"My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the..." - Quote by Mitch Hedberg
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
More by Mitch Hedberg
“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
“Stand-up is an art but since it's humor and it's funny - a lot of guys that don't think it's art are probably coming from the angle that they don't want to take it so seriously. I've always looked at it as an art but I don't look at it as a pretentious art. I understand it has to be taken lightly because it is just comedy in the end, but the good stand-up comics are someone with something to say.”
“Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. "Cheeseburgers?" "Nope! We got spaghetti, and blankets."”
More on Humor
“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”
“I ate 'umble pie with an appetite.”
“When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.”
More on Relationships
“No thank you to all the bustas, cowards, and FAKE HOMIES who showed me the depths of jealousy, envy and greed.”
“111 company is like a dog, who dirts those most whom he loves best.”
“It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.”