"Babies are equipped at birth with a..." - Quote by Dave Barry
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.
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“Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.”
“If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool.”
“For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that . . .”
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More on Parenting
“If you're extremely rich, and you have got children, my theory was, you give them enough so they can do anything, but not enough so they can do nothing.”
“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”
“The kids are old enough now - I just want to let them be kids. I don't want to comment on them too much. They're at an age where I just want to let them be kids.”