“Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'”

“In California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going "That's weird."”

“After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.”

“Tweets? That stuff kills conversation. And people taking pictures with their phone or recording you, sometimes surreptitiously, is creepy. They come up and just start talking to you, and you can see the red light on their phone.”

“Colleges, in like manner, have their indispensable office,--to teach elements. But they can only highly serve us, when they aim not to drill, but to create; when they gather from far every ray of various genius to their hospitable halls, and, by the concentrated fires, set the hearts of their youth on flame.”

“So far as the colleges go, the sideshows are swallowing up the circus.”

“The most conservative persons I ever met are college undergraduates.”