"Explain to me how he [her son]..." - Quote by Erma Bombeck

“You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.”

“Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”

“I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.”

“When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.”

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”

“It is only in the act of nursing that a woman realizes her motherhood in visible and tangible fashion; it is a joy of every moment.”

“Tell the children the truth.”

“This mother needs happy, reputable children, and that one needs unhappy ones: otherwise she cannot show her kindness as a mother.”

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.”