āComedy pays the bills if I can't find a film.ā
āGood people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.ā
āIn England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'ā
āIn California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going "That's weird."ā
āAfter I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.ā
āTweets? That stuff kills conversation. And people taking pictures with their phone or recording you, sometimes surreptitiously, is creepy. They come up and just start talking to you, and you can see the red light on their phone.ā
āA little integrity is better than any career.ā
āBagehot did what so many thousand of young graduates before him had done,--he studied for the bar; and then, having prepared himself to practise law, followed another large body of young men in deciding to abandon it.ā
āAt 25, I was in the audience of my first professional speaker, Bob Bales. His presentation got my attention. I had never seen anyone having so much fun 'at work' and getting paid for it!ā